Rough Cut 1 and 2 Of Our Film Opening

Rough Cut 1


Rough Cut 2


Feedback:
Rough Cut 1: Some lovely shots, especially the close up of shells. Slight wobble on the camera during the film title. I'm not convinced that the audience will know that the writing in the sand is your actual film title. It tells a story (even without sound). Lovely production logos.

Rough Cut 2: The voiceover is too much - you need a voiceover in there to explain the story but you need less words - it is too wordy, cut it right down. Re-record this on a camera so the sound quality is better. The music is good and sets a scene. Lovely use of transitions. The pan across the beach and girls faces is brilliant. Can the non diegetic music start as the second production logo is about to leave the screen.
Are you having sound for the production logos?
Narrator spoke too fast.
White around the text is annoying.
Beautifully shot.

Thoughts from the group:
As a group we thought that the narration was too wordy for the opening two minutes and was delivered too quickly to be effective. We thought we should cut down parts of it and have the voice over at a slower pace. We also noted a few wobbles of the camera to be cut down and also a shot that was wonky. In our thrid draft we hope to rectify these issues in order to improve our film opening.